Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize