Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
