Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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