Rock
Scissors
Fuck
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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