Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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