I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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