i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
foreskin is a definite game changer
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
