then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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