There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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