anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
