I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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