Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
