I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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