Me too!
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
