Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
