You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
