He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
