you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
smell my finger.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
