i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
