Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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