waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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