Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
