I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
