Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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