did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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