are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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