I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
