he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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