My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
you made out with another girl for some wings
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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