That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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