You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
