so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
