youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
