my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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