when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Randomize
