Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
