our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize