If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
