Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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