I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
