I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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