he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Randomize
