Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
