Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Can Purell be used as lube?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
