just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
