I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
