What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
