You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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