my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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