One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I love you.
Bad choice
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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