shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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