I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
