It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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