Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
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