I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Green mimosas i think yes
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
