What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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