Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
