the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She's the barista slut.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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