You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize