I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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