You smell like a Billy Joel song
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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