Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
