my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize