I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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