I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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