Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
