nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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