I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
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