Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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