No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize