Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
