the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize