I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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